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A Very Late Introduction For a Show that Happened Months Ago

October 1, 2012

I found this in my Evernote file and I intended to read it before I began playing the songs for my CD release show. But I forgot about it and didn’t do it, so I’m posting it now for anyone interested.

 

There has always been a large chunk of myself that I have felt was buried, or maybe too far inside my soul that wasn’t within my own grasp. But I’ve always known that it was there and that it was waiting, yearning to be discovered and to be expressed. I’m not sure how this happened, how it got buried, but I am sure it happened. 

As a result, I have spent a great deal over the last several years searching for that buried chunk, hoping to find it and release it with the freedom to fully express myself, to fully be myself. And I think that I have begun to find that. 

I’m not sure why I even began writing songs. I never expected to be good at it. In fact, I’m not sure if I had any expectations for this, but as if I was reaching out to myself unknowingly the songs began to come out almost organically. These eleven songs that I have recorded were probably the most vital step in this process of self-discovery. They have been a way for me to search my own soul, begin to comprehend myself and the world around me. I wrote songs, some of them quite bad, and some of them decent almost good even, and these songs began a surfacing of myself that I have always longed to express. I did not write these songs for any sort of recognition, or any sort of respect gained from anyone other than myself. I did not write these songs in the hopes of meeting girls or getting laid, and I did not write these songs for any amount of money. These thoughts, with all honesty, never crossed my mind during any of the writing or the recording process. None of these things are what I wish to stand for and none of these things are truly me.

I have often felt that by getting in front of people and performing for them, I am participating in some kind of self-righteous, self-affirming ritual because all too often that is what I have seen in the music industry and in a great deal of social life in general. But I do not believe that to be what this is about which, now I understand, is all the more reason for me to be up here, standing in front of you like this.

These songs that I have written and recorded with the help and support of my friends are my offering to you. Though they were written for my own personal therapy, they are equally for you as they are for me. This is not about me, this is about us gathering here and worshiping life, music, God, whatever you want to call it.

I no longer wish to withhold myself from the world, and this is the best way I know how to begin this process. This is in no way to feed my own self-righteousness and in fact is the very opposite. Though I may never be fully comfortable standing in front of any group of people, sharing my thoughts, I find a responsibility to do so, to contribute to the discussion that will hopefully help bring us all closer together, because it is possible that withholding these thoughts written down in song is more selfish than the inverse. 

I wish to stand here and share myself with you because I have done such a lousy job of doing so in the past.

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